Nothing new to report, so I thought I'd share dad's favorite joke. Prepare yourself.

A guy walks into a saloon and goes up to the bartender and begs him for a free drink as he is so thirsty he can barely stand it. The bartender replies, "I'm sorry sir, but I can't give you a free drink otherwise I'd be giving away drinks to everyone."

The thirsty patron replies, "C'mon, I'm really thirsty, you gotta give me a drink!"

The bartender says, "No, sir, I'm sorry, can't do it."

The thirsty patron spies a spittoon sitting in the corner and says, "Well, how 'bout I take a drink outta that spittoon? Then wouldya gimme a drink?"

The bartender, assuming he's pulling his leg, says, "Yeah, sure buddy, whatever."

So, the thirsty patron walks over to this heavy brass spittoon, hoists it up to his mouth and starts chugging the contents noisily.

Alarmed, the bartender exclaims, "Put that down, that's disgusting!"

The patron continues noisily chugging away. The rest of the patrons start getting sick watching him.

The bartender yells, "Put that down, I'll give you your free drink!"

The patron, struggling to keep holding up the spittoon, continues swallowing.

The bartender, now beside himself, yells, "I'll give you 2 free drinks, for the love of God, just put it down!"

The patron continues chugging away. Finally, he lowers the spittoon to the ground and wipes his mouth off.

The bartender yells at him, "What are you, crazy? Why didn't you stop? I said I was going to give you a free drink!"

And the patron replies: "I couldn't. It was one long string."

Blech. Thanks dad.